I started writing this blog post way back last year but struggled to finish it. So knowing it was International Woman’s day, Mother’s Day and apparently daughter’s week (who knew?) I thought it was a good deadline to get it finished.
At a BMX track a father of my son’s friend sat near by and we started talking about existentialism, materialism and child care. Interestingly his point of view was that in today’s day and age why should all the pressure by on the man to go out and work, and so there he was, at the bike track with his son, obviosuly doing his part of the child care.
My sister is a full time working mum as is my Mum, where as I don’t count myself as one despite going to our showroom and being involved in running our business every afternoon and also writing emails or bits of text here and there at any time of day for the sculpture side of things. I saw an Instagram a post about a woman who had a hesitancy to say ‘Stay-at home mom’ or heaven forbid ‘Housewife’ and yet in each and every situation there are so many variable and conditions that make each individual’s position unique. Many mothers don’t have a choice. Whilst this gentlemen offered his opinion, I sat, listened and nodded in agreement even adding the odd phrase in agreement. Later that evening I wondered why when someone offers an opinion we feel hesitant to say something different. Why do we feel the need to conform?
If I had had a bit more gumption I could have said that whilst times have changed, and we are no longer living in the 50’s where there wasn’t the choice as much- I personally don’t think that we have moved the movement forward. I think woman have shot themselves in the foot. We want it all and can’t have it. I listened to a video clip of a 5 year old little girl saying that boys and girls are the same. We all have the capabilities to do the same things and we should be treated equally. But, controversially, whilst I believe we are equal I don’t believe that men and woman are the same. We are different.
Every situation is different. For me, personally, if I was working part-time or full time with an employer and juggling motherhood I think my brain would explode. My natural disposition is to please and help and give 100 percent. I couldn’t do that to a career, my role as mother and as wife. Something would get lost in the equation. I read about the need for better child care provision so that working mothers can work. Whilst that may be the case and for those that need it and want it there does need to be better provision. However, for a situation where a couple are both going out to work, for money so they can have a better house, better car, better clothes. The child is getting lost in the equation.
I am aware that I have been in a privileged, luxurious position of being able to be at home with the boys whilst they were small. When I looked back over my journal , I saw the pages where I was working out the cost effectiveness of me leaving work once my second child was born. It didn’t make any financial sense to carry on working and put my children in child care. Looking back though it isn’t the financial side of things that have been of any benefit. I did choose to sacrifice a career but it wasn’t really something I had striven for anyway. I like the term ‘Homemaker’ when it comes to a title of being at home, the idea of making a home fits better than house wife, maybe?
Someone said to me about how great it was that my husband was achieving things with his art work. Ultimately it is his career and occasionally I see it as that but it has been such a joint ambition since the beginning, that it is my dream too. The 1940’s saying ‘behind every great man is a great woman’ is the observation that no man gets to be “great” in a vacuum, and some woman, somewhere, had a hand in the man’s success. I haven’t got the drive or determination to go out and ‘get’ like he has but I have got the patience, the strength, diligence and the influence to be the first three letters SHE behind the artist, SHENDI.